This weekend I took on the task of going through my "to be filed" pile from 2006. Yeah, I'm addicted to hanging onto paper for as long as possible, but I do recycle when I'm ready to let it go.

And I found this little gem that came in ever-so-handy when I used to work at a company that had a lot of butthead clients. Feel free to use this as you see fit; I never had the balls to send it out, but just thinking about sending it always brought a smile to my face.

Butthead Boilerplate

Dear [name],

After [our recent conversation/receiving your email], it has come to my attention that there may have been a small misunderstanding about this situation. While we at [company name] are focused on the marketing and promotional needs of your company, our services do not include [coordinating your life/facilitating your tantrums/kissing your hairy ass] whenever you feel it's necessary.

We do, however, offer a comprehensive roster of services geared to your success, which makes you look like a star. While we have provided you with the red-carpet treatment, we did not realize the adverse effect this may have had on your personality.

We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused and will treat you just like a regular butthead from now on.

[your name]

Let me know if this works for you. ;)

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