Kreskin Letter - part deux

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

(This must be the really important part, I can tell because I have a special power.)

Yes, a special power... You have it. I know this about you even it you don't.
(Well I do, because Mom and Dad always said I was special.)

My desire is to see you "perform" (awkward) : to see you change your life, see you attain incredible material happiness and emotional happiness. I know I will.
(Question: does material happiness involve a velvet Elvis?)

Exciting things could start shaping up for you as early as the week after next concerning money and career matters. Also personal encounters, a relationship, possibly a reuniting with a friend or someone special. You'll see.
(Hang on, let me check the postmark. Shoot, according to Kreskin, this is all happening this week. I better get my nails done.)

How do I know all this? What's this all about?
(I'm sure he'll tell me.)

It's about special numbers. About personal numerological calculations.
(In other words, new math.)

And for sensitive reasons, I can't explain in the letter how exactly my "numbers" plug directly into the individual who lives at ***MY ADDRESS*** which I know to be you, Bonnie Staring... but they do plug in -
(Too bad the electricity's been cut off at our place. Our "numbers" just didn't work out for their accounting department.)

Believe me. Figures going through my head, numbers I've now attached to you, hold great interest to me: you're residing in Etobicoke, ON and living the life you do, your intimate "demographics".
(Yadda, yadda, yadda.)

(As if this was all light-hearted before.)

Now do you see why I couldn't shred this letter? I finally have proof that I am a unique person - because Kreskin said so!

I'll get to the deeper stuff tomorrow...

posted by Bonnie Staring at 1:00 PM 2 comments

I couldn't shred it, it's too powerful

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Kreskin Power Letter 1
(Uh-oh, he has to number them? How many are there?)

"I Will Tell You Why I Have Been Drawn To You, Bonnie Staring.
This is an amazing letter.
All about you. Relating to powerful connections for Money and Life Breakthroughs."

I mean, wouldn't you want to read on? It's in quotes and everything, so it must be true. Look, my name's been bolded, that must be a sign. And the use of putting capitals on all the words in the first line? Legendary.

And we haven't even gotten to the introduction yet:

Dear Bonnie Staring,
(I love it when they use my whole name like that. I want to get myself on his mailing list as Mister Butthead. That would be cool. Oops, I digress.)

My name's Kreskin.
Yes, I'm that Kreskin, the one the press refers to as "The Amazing Kreskin."
(Shoot, and I thought it was from Lenny Kreskin, the guy voted "Most Likely to Get a Wedgie" in my grade 8 class.)

I am known for having a special extra sense. (Oh. That's what you call it.) Not just by the public at large but by world respected ESP scientists. Keep reading.
(With the support of ESP scientists, he doesn't have to ask twice, let me tell ya.)

You've probably seen me on TV and no doubt read about me in newspapers, magazines or books.
(Sorry, I've been busy. But you should know that.)

People come to me. They are drawn to me. Almost in spite of themselves. (Sounds like an ad for Axe.)

They say they have to see me "use" my power; they have to see me "perform."


Why? Because they can't believe the things they've heard about me and must see for themselves if they're true.
(Wait for it...)

The simple answer is... "YES, EVERYTHING IS TRUE. EVERYTHING IS PROVEN." That's what people learn about me. I seem to hold them spellbound. And, I grant you this: If I can make a special contact with a person... that person's never quite the same again.
(I do not find this comforting. Pass the Lysol.)

But Bonnie Staring, follow me:
It is you who, in a sense, has me spellbound.
(Yeah, riiight.)

The tables are turned: I've been drawn to you.
(He totally means it. It's been typeset a second time in a scripty font for effect.)

I find myself desiring to see your power...

Stay turned for Part 2 tomorrow. G'night.

posted by Bonnie Staring at 11:07 PM 5 comments

Running out of August...

Monday, August 28, 2006

While this has been a very productive month for me, I can't help but allow a wee pout over the fabulous prizes that have yet to enter my life the past few weeks. Sigh.

I guess in terms of contests, I'm stuck in Contestant's Row. Figures. I'll have to wait for Kreskin to confirm it though.

Then again, I have won over a few magazine editors who have now hit me up for repeat business. Woot! So instead of hurting my brain trying to come up with oodles of super-groovy ideas, I now receive emails from editors saying "hey Bonnie, can you write this article on underwater Elvis sightings or 101 uses for old nylons for us?"

Now that's pretty darn cool. Especially when I have a lot of the research done (for these and many other topics) already. :)

Of course, I'm still sending out query letters to other publications. Because the Canadian magazine industry is about as stable as... the San Andreas Fault. (My apologies to any Southern Californians. I'm sure you're fine, really.) Between the time I contacted one editor, received back issues of her magazine and sent her two story ideas (three weeks), she had been replaced. Ouch!

Speaking of sure things, I find it funny that two "guaranteed" jobs that I had prepared quotations for have vanished into thin air. All I can say right now is thank goodness, because I have five magazine articles, the rest of a week-long proof-reading gig, a website build and my book revisions (which start September 1) all happening at once. Good times.

And all I've been wanting to do is press the red button on Nienke's site.

posted by Bonnie Staring at 8:48 PM 4 comments

Men in kilts

Saturday, August 26, 2006

The DH and I attended a fabulous wedding yesterday. Yes, it was on a Friday afternoon, which was nice since it's left our weekend free and clear.

We were able to sit on the bride's side - with all the men in kilts. There's nothing like hearing comments with a Gaelic accent to add a little colour to the festivities.

"Oh she looks lovely. Such a bonnie lass."

"Ach, she's cryin' already. Her father must have a tissue in his sporren."

Despite the morning rain, the sky had cleared for an outdoor ceremony at 4:00 pm. Her father claims it was because of the bagpiper, who told him that it never rains when he plays.

Oh, there were bagpipes aplenty. For the procession, for the receiving line and for the introduction of the bride and room. It was rumoured that haggis would be served, but the in-laws wouldn't hear of it. I will send them a thank-you note on Monday.

What was really nice was having an entire side of the family warm up to me because of my name. Seems that my parents gave me entry into a secret society filled with clans, hard liquor and wild dances like the Gay Gordon. I can't begin to describe it, but it looked like fun.

And, even though the DH and I knew only 4 people out of the 60 or so in attendance, we had a fabulous time. They even played Boney M. After Sinatra, of course.

posted by Bonnie Staring at 4:13 PM 0 comments

Life is like Contestant's Row

Thursday, August 24, 2006

First of all, if you've never seen an episode of The Price Is Right, you won't get this post. So come back tomorrow.

The older I get, the more I realize that life is like being on Contestant's Row. Some really want to be there, while others would rather be anywhere else (like the husbands who get forced to come along with their pricing-savvy wives).

Once you finally arrive on Contestant's Row, the first thing you want to do is get outta there ASAP. Isn't that what happens to all of us when we get to certain stages in our lives? We start saying things like "I can't wait until..." or make new to-do lists that never allow us to celebrate reaching our current position. Ah, just like on Contestant's Row - there's no rest for the wicked. And there are only a limited number of opportunities to get up on stage for the real game.

But while you're there, you soon discover that:
1. Being first isn't always the best
2. Others will learn from your example and use it against you (by bidding $1 higher)
3. Sometimes you have to determine the value of things you don't even want
4. Having people yell at you is completely normal
5. Listening to the others is essential
6. Wearing horizontal strips is way bad
7. Acting happy when the other guy gets on stage instead of you is encouraged, no matter how painful it gets
8. Helping to control the pet population is something that everyone can do
9. Spitballs aren't allowed
10. If and when you're selected to go onstage, do it fast so Bob doesn't have time to forget what to say next

I really should book my flight to Burbank before Mr. Barker retires...

posted by Bonnie Staring at 2:19 PM 9 comments

Second thoughts

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

We're going to a wedding this Friday. When the invitation arrived, I was very excited. Not just for my girlfriend, who was finally getting married, but for me - because I needed to buy a dress for the occasion.

So I shopped. And shopped. Took a week-long break and shopped again.

Finally, I found the perfect dress. It's totally Audrey Hepburn (in a good way) and, best of all, I already have the perfect shoes and handbag to go with it! Cost: $29.99. Canadian.

I heart summer sales.

So I took it out for dinner the other evening. And came home a tad disappointed. It fits, but not perfectly. And that feeling like I was with Humphrey Bogart in Sabrina? Not even close.

But I really can't expect a cheap dress to change my life, can I? Or did I need to spend a C-note to benefit from the effect?

All will be fine. And I will not go out and try to find another dress between now and 4:00 pm Friday. Pinkie-swear.

I'll just have to wear my ugly yoga pants so I won't want to leave the house before then. ;)

Did something totally crazy yesterday. A short humour (gift) book, which I had been playing around with for over three years, was polished off, given a nice query letter and sent to a literary agent specializing in that particular market.

Can you tell I'm avoiding other duties right now? First the screen door cleaning and now this three year-old project. I guess that's just the way I am. At least part of it was writing.

I'll keep ya posted. Now back to that "discipline" thing.

posted by Bonnie Staring at 9:54 AM 0 comments

www = world without websites

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I met a writer the other day. Let's call her Roberta. She's written a number of books and wanted some advice on getting published. So I mentioned a few websites that she should check out.

Then she surprised me by saying that she does all of her research at the library - offline. Yep, she even looks up stuff in encyclopedias. Whaddya know.

The woman doesn't even own a computer. Okay, she used to have one, but it got stolen. Luckily, she saved her first drafts onto floppy disks. Yeah, that's right: floppies. At least they weren't 5-1/4" ones. That would have been totally retro.

So I asked her if she surfed the web when she had the computer. No. When at the library, did she use any of the computers there to check out the Internet? No.

The woman had never been online before. A web virgin.

Maybe it's just me, but I found it really odd that Roberta, a writer of fantasy no less, had never explored the digital universe. Heck, my grandmother has an email address. And she's now addicted to online auctions. But that's another story.

Me? I don't know what I'd do without the Internet. Then again, I might get a lot more writing done without all the cool distractions. And the Hofflegangers.

Time for a little list:

Articles to write: 5
Books to revise: 1
Websites to create: 1
Weddings to attend: 1
Fall wardrobe: needs work
Stress level (out of ten): 2.5

posted by Bonnie Staring at 12:03 PM 2 comments

Six months to write a letter

Monday, August 21, 2006

I wrote a letter yesterday. Just a single page. Offering reprint rights to an American publication for a column I write about being married to a car nut. No big deal right?

Then why did it take me six months to do? Talk about procrastination. Sure, I could give myself a month or two to research the market, read a few back issues and see if there was anything about them on, but what was I really waiting for?

I even cleaned the screen door at the front of the house before sending this letter. And contemplated ironing - I gave that up as a New Year's resolution back in 1997. Somehow I had let fear take over my body with regard to this teeny weenie letter-writing task. And I think I know why.

I mean, it's one thing to have an article idea rejected - since it was just an idea. But this is putting my own work out there to be rejected. And it's a lot scarier than sending out my usual query letters.

Now I have a better understanding of how other writers feel when they send out complete articles and manuscripts for consideration. It's like sending the kids off to school for the first time, I think. (Remember, I have houseplants, not children.) Will those written words be okay on their own? Will they be bullied around and tossed into a slush pile? Or will they be sent back home immediately with a note?

Shoot, I forgot all about the note that will come back in that self-addressed stamped envelope. Rats.

posted by Bonnie Staring at 9:40 AM 0 comments

The official end of summer

Friday, August 18, 2006

The Canadian National Exhibition (CNE) opened today. This assembly of rapidly put together thrill rides, tacky carnival games and overpriced foods is a Toronto tradition that signals the end of the carefree days of summer.

The DH and I went last year, after which I told him to remind me that I never want to go again if I suggest a visit in 2006.

So guess what happened last night when I saw an ad on TV?

It's just that I have such great memories of the CNE. And I guess my need to meet up with them again grows stronger as each year passes. But it's really not the same. I mean, who needs a life-sized stuffed walrus? Or a mirror with a KISS logo on it? Or a vat of fudge, pizza slices and meat on a stick?

Ugh. There were days that I would willingly carry all that stuff around with me from ride to ride, begging my weak-kneed friends to hold the stuff for me while I went on rattling rides that spun me around upside down over and over again.

Then I started dating, and my beau would lug all the crap around for me. Since that unwritten rule about not eating in front of a date was in full effect, I didn't have to worry about getting pasta sauce or mustard on my cool 80's outfit. I even wore eyeliner on a regular basis back then.

Then I met DH. The one. The CNE became a background to the awesome concerts we'd attend at the stadium on site. Sometimes we'd take in a ride on the ferris wheel. Other times we'd grab a quick snack before heading home. Sometimes I'd win a tacky prize.

Then we got...older. The stadium was torn down. The food became greasier and the rides, not so much fun as before. Last year we wandered around aimlessly, trying to avoid oversized families and poorly-driven strollers. The aromas, which used to be exciting and new, became rancid. It was an uncomfortable, overwhelming experience.

I guess it's time to just live with the memories instead of trying to resuscitate the past.

posted by Bonnie Staring at 3:47 PM 0 comments

Damn those raspberries!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Yesterday while at the store I picked up a pint of raspberries. DH really likes them and, as he's been working very hard lately, I thought he deserved a little treat.

So I left them on the kitchen counter. Because you should never put fresh berries in the fridge if you're going to eat them right away. That's what my Mom says.

Fast-forward to last night. After enjoying a lovely meal, I reached for the raspberries, only to discover a big, nasty red stain on the countertop when I picked up the container.

Were they weeping in fear at the sight of the nasty kitchen floor? Did the loud disco music bother them? Or were they rooting for Travis instead of Benji on So You Think You Can Dance?

It doesn't matter, we ate the berries anyway and then stared at the square stain on the counter that we don't really like anymore. Now we have another reason not to like it.

And they say eating fresh fruit is good for you. ;)

posted by Bonnie Staring at 2:18 PM 2 comments

Learning lessons the hard way

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Over the past month, I've been approached by a few people for help on different matters. Some with regard to writing, others with regard to stuff that has nothing to do with writing. Which adds a nice variety to my day.

So I helped out. Did my bit for king and country. And waited for the rave reviews to arrive. A few filtered in slowly, but in one case I didn't even receive any acknowledgement at all.

That made a me a little cranky. Okay, a whole lot of cranky. (The DH has been living on the driveway the past few days.) So I've eaten a few bags of chips and looked over my email, wondering what the heck I did to deserve the silent treatment.

Shit, maybe the helpee was dead. Or on the lam. Or in a coma. Or their computer went all henky. I even considered contacting the person who referred me so that I could send them a piece of my mind. In triplicate.

Then I had a Dr. Phil moment. Put a southern accent on any problem you're experiencing and it all seems to sort itself out.

"Giving without expectations is key," his voice echoed in my head.

And although I hate it when he's right, I had to agree with the man. Had I just handed over the advice with the intention to help and not to appear like a hero, I probably wouldn't be sitting here feeling my blood pressure elevate over a silly little absence of etiquette.

It smarts anyway. But that's what learning's all about. Even long after high school is over. Now I just need to walk off these nachos.

posted by Bonnie Staring at 12:43 PM 8 comments

Maria has sold my name

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Found three psychic letters in the mailbox this morning. One from Maria and two that I didn't recognize.

The first, from Skye in Newmarket, Ontario, had a nice picture of some lit candles in the top left corner. Still, I put it with Maria's so that it could be marked "return to sender" with my mystical Sharpie. Everyone should have one, especially for back to school.

I almost opened the last envelope, until I noticed the "please open immediately, important information enclosed" above the address window. Then I noticed the lack of return address and my spider sense started tingling like an out-of-tune banjo. Or it could be another offer from Capital One.

I laid the three envelopes side-by-side, wondering how this bizarre coincidence could be happening. That's when I realized that Maria has probably been supplementing her psychic income by renting her mailing list to other seers.

It doesn't make sense though, as this would weaken Maria's power as being the only psychic to write me. Her attentions no longer seem that special as Skye, Kreskin and the unknown psychic (who may be related to the unknown comic) are now sending me letters.

Too bad I don't feel special, just annoyed.

posted by Bonnie Staring at 11:42 AM 0 comments

A whole lotta nuttin

Monday, August 14, 2006

Today was the first weekday in ages when, with the exception of a dentist appointment, I didn't have to be anywhere. Not at an office. Or on the phone. Or at the computer. Sweet.

So I took full advantage of this rare opportunity to deal with the piles. Over the past few months, I've created a few areas in my home where piling stuff on top of other stuff is perfectly acceptable. I even chose locations that aren't exposed to drafts so the crap wouldn't blow all over the place if I opened a window.

The blame was placed solely on the WIP. Then I completed Draft 1. When no one mentioned anything, I thought the piles could continue for a while until the revisions were done.

It was fine until last Friday, when I had to find something for the magazine article that will change my life. At least I remembered which pile I had put it on. It only took me about ten minutes to find it, which was lucky. The DH had already dashed off on an "errand" as soon as the search began. He's witnessed a few too many PPS (prolonged pile search) incidents and knows better than to be at the scene of the crime when things don't work out. Yeah, he's a very smart man.

Facing two of the most heinous piles of stuff, I tackled them. In about the same amount of time it takes me to find one piece of paper. I even had enough time left over to start reading a fabulous new book. Life is good.

Tomorrow I'll work on those articles and queries, I promise!

posted by Bonnie Staring at 10:33 PM 0 comments

It felt like fall this morning

Friday, August 11, 2006

I even had to wear a light jacket - I was so excited! Fall is an awesome time of year, mainly because of the efforts of millions of marketers who have convinced me that buying a new wardrobe every August is a perfectly normal thing.

Hmm. Time to pick up some extra work. ;)

Speaking of work, next week looks like a perfect time to work on the magazine article "to do" pile. And the revised article that will change my life is due Monday. I've already done the rewrite but want to wait until Sunday to give it a final review before I go hitting the send button.

I've also been lent a bunch of books to help me out with Draft 1. I've given myself until month's end to figure out a title. They say that freedom is having the power to decide. Yippee.

And freedom now means that you can't bring Chapstick onto a plane. First you take away the guns, then the knives, then the boxcutters, then the cigarette lighters and now the beauty products? Damn those terrorists! Let's hang them all!

Oops, forgot for a moment that I'm a Canadian. Let's spurn them as we walk past them on the street...but we don't know who they we'll just do the same thing we always do. Nothing.

Shoot, I really didn't mean to get all political there. It's just that I'd really be lost without a lip balm on an aircraft. The air is really dry up there and I'd hate to arrive at my destination with dried-out lips.

That's just nasty.

posted by Bonnie Staring at 11:22 PM 0 comments

Now Kreskin has my address

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Came home to another letter from Maria and one from Kreskin himself. He's been thinking about me for some time. Yeah, I get that a lot. Must be the new shredder.

There's something he knows that I need to know. It's vaguely outlined in this Kreskin Power Letter 1. He can't tell me what it is exactly, because he needs to hear from me first...or just my credit card. Not to worry, he offers a money back guarantee if my life doesn't completely transform by the time he's done with me.

My life has changed before; it's no big.

Of course, I'm wondering if Maria put Kreskin up to this. Yeah, during a game of psychic truth or dare:

"Truth or dare?"

"You know which one I'm going to pick Maria, so why are you asking?"

"There's this frustrating woman in Ontario--"

"Bonnie. Yes, I have felt your pain."

"You must write to her."

"And incur her wrath? Woman, are you mad?"

"She's harmless."

"You know she has special powers. Are the Irish triplets still at your door?"

"Now they insist on eating pistachio nuts. It's disgusting."

"I'm not willing to take that kind of risk."

"I'll throw in a free reading for you. Come on Kreskie-poo, it's just one itty bitty letter. And I double-dog dare you."

That has to be it. They both have my name and address spelled the exact same way. Even the postal code has the space in the middle. It's a Canadian thing. And they both insist that they need my help before they can let me know about all the cool stuff that will be happening to be during this limited period of time.

What on earth could I possibly help them with besides their bank balances?

Maybe Maria's letter contains a two-for-one coupon. I'm still not opening it.

posted by Bonnie Staring at 11:10 PM 0 comments

It's Thursday

The job that was supposed to keep me busy until September 30 has vanished into thin air. Luckily other clients have work for me to do as I mourn the loss of major dependable income.

I didn't really want that contract anyway. Well, that's what I've been telling myself since I got the news yesterday. It's not helping.

:::knocks back another Diet Coke to kill the pain:::

But what has been keeping me busy (besides article rewrites) is coming up with a cool title for Draft 1. I have one that I really like (it's been two days already and it's still on the list) but it may attract younger readers. So the hunk-hunka-burning-love scene may need a bit of reworking. Like they'd have to keep their clothes on or something. Maybe lose the extra tuba player too.

No contest wins yet for the month of August...and it's already the 10th. Guess I'll just have to watch the Hoff video again.

posted by Bonnie Staring at 3:37 PM 0 comments

Cosmic vision & the latest Hoff video

Tuesday, August 8, 2006

Monday: work for one of my favourite clients, Client A,(okay, all clients who pay are my favourite) and learn that one of the writers will be taking the Tuesday after the long weekend off as a vacation day. I ask the manager if he'd like me to come in to cover for the writer. He says he'll get back to me.

Tuesday: Work another day for Client A. Mention the Tuesday shift again, manager says he'll have to check on the expected workload. I decide to leave it at that for the rest of the day. This is my last shift with Client A for this week.

Wednesday: Submit invoice with a note about covering off on the Tuesday. At this point the office I'm now at from Wednesday to Friday (Client B) is asking if I can work this day as well. (Note: Client A pays more.) The manager replies to my email, saying they don't expect it to be too busy, so I won't be needed.

Thursday/Friday: Work for Client B, agree to an additional shift with them on Tuesday.

Long Weekend: Buy shredder. Change life.

Tuesday, 8:47 a.m.: Receive a phone call from Client A. Another one of their writers is sick today, leaving them short two bodies, can I come in?

The thing is, I normally don't nag people to death about getting another shift. Normally I'd just let it go at the first mention on Monday. But I asked him THREE TIMES. It's as if I knew that they would need me to come in. But if there is a rule in the freelance world, it's this:

Never give up guaranteed work for a definite maybe.

And hey, I was getting multiple definite no's. But don't you find that kind of weird? Am I gaining some strange kind of ESP (extra shift perception)?

Speaking of perception, here's the latest from the Hoff: Jump In My Car


posted by Bonnie Staring at 10:00 PM 2 comments

Ode to a paper shredder

Monday, August 7, 2006

While out with some fabulous fellow Write-Ons, we ventured into an office supply store where I made a purchase that would change my life: a paper shredder. For only $19.99.

Unless you own one, you just can't begin to understand the power it wields. Let me try to explain:

Torn are the overwhelming Visa statements of the past
Destroyed are the letters from lovers who didn't last
Shredded beyond recognition are pay stubs and bills
And rejection letters from editors for a few thrills.

What remains are strips of paper, some colourful, some white
Some word shards like "tat" or "cco" showing in the light
The joy the shredder brings me makes me start to perspire
And now I have a ton of kindling for my next campfire.

Seriously people, you need a shredder. Well, maybe not so much if you have small children running about. But even without the whole threat of identity theft out there, it's a lot more satisfying than simply tearing a rejection letter in two.

posted by Bonnie Staring at 12:09 PM 4 comments

A Kodak Moment

Saturday, August 5, 2006

I came across this photo while searching for an all-important Word document that contains rewritten Phantom of the Opera song lyrics. The world could be saved with these, you never know.

This marquee was used during my makeover on Style By Jury. They had "secretly" taped me at work, and then brought in an expert to discuss how my funny bone may be detracting from my professional image. Hah, as if! They put the footage up on the movie screen and everything. Very cool. Too bad I had worn horizontal stripes while at the office.

One of the crew was nice enough to grab a photo of the marquee before they changed it back to Godzilla or Starsky & Hutch and sent it over to me. Christopher (aka Christoff) was my hero for at least a week. Good times.

Yesterday was a frenzied battle between my clients and the headhunters as August appears to be the month that I will be able to work 40 hours a day if I want to. And yes, I meant to say "a day". No one seems to care if I get to eat or sleep, as long as their work gets done.

This shouldn't be a problem except I had intended to celebrate the arrival of August with a month-long nap. I may have to postpone that until October. But that's when I had planned on completing the revisions for the WIP. Sigh.

This week:
Worked on site for two different clients, 5 full days
Did not sell any more articles - boo hoo
Was not selected for a cool on site freelance gig in the middle of nowhere (thank goodness)
Hired for a temporary contract which will keep me busy until September 30
Some cheques, that were actually in the mail, finally arrived

Now I can celebrate the long weekend with a BD party, a meal out with fellow writers and the rewrite of an article. Woo hoo!

posted by Bonnie Staring at 12:33 PM 0 comments

2 more letters today

Friday, August 4, 2006

And I'm not talking about those "I'd like to buy a vowel" type of letters. These are more pieces of psychic junk mail. Now there's a name of a new band if I ever heard one.

So I'm doing the whole "return to sender" thing and I've also had the Irish triplets with switchblades drop by on her doorstep. Trouble is that Maria isn't answering the door.

Damn, she might me onto me.

Of course, if I had opened her last few letters and taped a few of the enclosed "lucky talismans" to my forehead, I might have won on a certain game show. Or gotten a larger role in the taping of a particular Emily Haines video. Or had the foresight to take an umbrella with me when I went to work at a client's office today. Sigh.

Luckily I have some very cool plans this weekend to distract me from this string of bad luck that Maria has placed over my path, hoping to trip me up. I won't give her the satisfaction though.

Perhaps it's time to pick up some extra insurance, just in case.

posted by Bonnie Staring at 12:00 AM 2 comments

A note on deadlines

Wednesday, August 2, 2006

Imagine my surprise when, after speaking with a few editors, I discover that their main complaint about writers is a failure to meet deadlines.

Isn't meeting a deadline the number one rule when it comes to keeping editors happy? Or writers employed? Sure, writing is hard, especially when the urge to put things off until the last minute so that we can race to the finish line is a very cool rush. But to miss a deadline when there are a gazillion other writers out there, nipping at our heels to take our place in the word chain seems kind of...dangerous. In a bad way.

Perhaps it's my obsessive-compulsive nature, but I will do anything to meet a deadline, even if it means pulling an all-nighter and putting off laundry, grocery shopping or watching my favourite show. (That's why there are VCRs.)

So I asked these editors why they kept on letting these tardy prose-producers get all the glory. Because they can write. Of course, if they wrote AND met deadlines, that would be a major bonus.

That's where I like to step in, like the overachieving brown-noser that I always was in school. Well, until I discovered Duran Duran.

posted by Bonnie Staring at 7:46 PM 3 comments

I love the night life

Tuesday, August 1, 2006

That has to be my ultimate favourite karaoke tune. One of my goals is to use it somehow in a musical. I'll let you know how that goes.

Thank goodness I have to work at client offices this week. If I had to be at home (where we only have AC in the bedroom) during the day it might have been dangerous. Especially for door-to-door salesmen or people who happen to play polka tunes loudly as they drive or rollerskate by.

Of course, my 'keep cool' plan slightly backfired today when I was convinced it was Wednesday. Damn. Remember folks, working at a desk from 9-5 for five days a week is no longer normal for me. I'm getting twitchy already.

At least the gang I was working with today allowed me to play a disco compilation CD. Hence the I Love the Night Life reference. We had a fun time. Well, almost all of us. ;)

The long weekend is right around the corner and the DH and I will be heading to a good friend's 50th birthday party. When I asked our friend what we could bring to the party, he said: "Could you bring me a date? I'm all out."

We might bring him some figs, just to be smartasses. I think I'll bring the disco CD too, or my portable karaoke machine.

Don't laugh - I really do have one. It's fabulous!

posted by Bonnie Staring at 11:06 PM 0 comments