Disclaimer: Cats are wonderful animals to have as pets and I appreciate how much people enjoy being around them, talking about them and sending me pictures of them. This is NOT what this particular post is about.

I've received several reports from friends at my past full-time employer regarding my newly-hired replacement: it doesn't look good.

According to numerous sources, they have hired a crazy cat lady. Not a lady who is crazy about cats, but a crazy lady who is fixated on her cats in such a way that overhearing a conversation may cause passers-by to think she's running a "kitty-p*rn" hotline.

Immediate cubicle neighbours are creeped out. Better still, the more exited she gets, the louder the commentary. Here are some examples:

"He's such a hunka-hunka-burning love. He went after her last night, but I think he ended up sleeping alone."

"She looks like she's gained weight, I hope he didn't knock her up again."

"He just loves it when I rub his lower back, then move my hand over to his stomach. It's so soft there..."

Remember people, she's not at home - she's at the office. Yikes!

Others suspect that this woman is also a cokehead due to the loud sniffing she does throughout the day. Perhaps she's allergic to being away from her cats.

Reports in the number of cats she owns range from 3 to 37. Passers-by have been approached for photo-viewing sessions. One intern went missing for three days after taking her up on such an offer.

The best part is? She's also on a two-month contract. (Remember, my two-month contract lasted 18 months.)

Lesson learned: everyone can be replaced. It's just scary to see who they do it with!