Cupid's Literary Connection Kissing Scene Competition
Monday, February 4, 2013
Welcome!
I'm delighted to be part of the Cupid's Literary Connection Kissing Scene Competition, and perhaps a little terrified at the same time. There are 50 of us competing for the 10 spots in Round Two, in which three entries will be given the go-ahead to participate in the Agent Blind Speed Dating contest, happening later in February. (Yeah, there's a whole bunch of cool stuff going on at that site, check it out!)
The setup
This scene is from my young adult manuscript, POWER STRUGGLES, and takes place after Melody, a 16-year-old telekinetic boot-camp trainee, bumps into Jonas, a junior trainer, out on a path past curfew, which could land her in even more trouble. She's already been caught using her power without supervision, which resulted in a consequence of having bruises appear on her face and arms. They were just comparing notes on Jonas losing his parents, and Melody losing her father.
***
“I thought I’d lost her, too.”
“But you didn’t, so consider yourself lucky.” Jonas took my hand and gave it a squeeze. My skin tingled. “You’ll both get through it eventually.”
“Did you?”
“Not yet. But time makes it easier.”
“I don’t want to forget him.”
“You won’t.” He let go of my hand and reached up to touch my jaw. “Are you sure that doesn’t hurt?”
“Only when I see myself in the mirror.”
My laugh drifted back down my throat as I looked up at him. His finger traced the side of my face and tucked my hair behind my ear. I gulped.
“Feel like breaking another rule?” he whispered.
I nodded, leaned into him and closed my eyes. His lips covered mine, gently at first and then firmer. One of his hands held the back of my head, as if I’d even think of moving my lips away from his.
Sure, I’d been kissed before, but nothing like this.
I slipped my arms around his warm neck. His chest pressed against mine. My hurt shoulder ached a bit as my fingers tangled in his wavy hair, but I ignored it. No lights or sparks appeared behind my eyelids to distract me from the awesomeness of his lips, and I was glad.
Jonas broke away much too soon.
“This is wrong,” he whispered, almost to himself.
“I know,” I agreed. “But we’re rebels, remember?”
He touched his forehead to mine. I waited for him to pull away. He didn’t. The protective spell I’d felt earlier embraced me along with Jonas. I took a deep breath. Everything about him smelled good.
“Do you want me to kiss you again?” His lips curved into a wicked grin. “Even though it’s completely against the rules?”
“Totally.”
He chuckled again, and this time his breath tickled my lips.
A twig snapped farther along the path. We released each other. A beam from a flashlight shone through the trees.
“Get inside,” he said. “Pretend you’re asleep.”
I started to say goodnight, but he was already gone.
I'm delighted to be part of the Cupid's Literary Connection Kissing Scene Competition, and perhaps a little terrified at the same time. There are 50 of us competing for the 10 spots in Round Two, in which three entries will be given the go-ahead to participate in the Agent Blind Speed Dating contest, happening later in February. (Yeah, there's a whole bunch of cool stuff going on at that site, check it out!)
The setup
This scene is from my young adult manuscript, POWER STRUGGLES, and takes place after Melody, a 16-year-old telekinetic boot-camp trainee, bumps into Jonas, a junior trainer, out on a path past curfew, which could land her in even more trouble. She's already been caught using her power without supervision, which resulted in a consequence of having bruises appear on her face and arms. They were just comparing notes on Jonas losing his parents, and Melody losing her father.
***
“I thought I’d lost her, too.”
“But you didn’t, so consider yourself lucky.” Jonas took my hand and gave it a squeeze. My skin tingled. “You’ll both get through it eventually.”
“Did you?”
“Not yet. But time makes it easier.”
“I don’t want to forget him.”
“You won’t.” He let go of my hand and reached up to touch my jaw. “Are you sure that doesn’t hurt?”
“Only when I see myself in the mirror.”
My laugh drifted back down my throat as I looked up at him. His finger traced the side of my face and tucked my hair behind my ear. I gulped.
“Feel like breaking another rule?” he whispered.
I nodded, leaned into him and closed my eyes. His lips covered mine, gently at first and then firmer. One of his hands held the back of my head, as if I’d even think of moving my lips away from his.
Sure, I’d been kissed before, but nothing like this.
I slipped my arms around his warm neck. His chest pressed against mine. My hurt shoulder ached a bit as my fingers tangled in his wavy hair, but I ignored it. No lights or sparks appeared behind my eyelids to distract me from the awesomeness of his lips, and I was glad.
Jonas broke away much too soon.
“This is wrong,” he whispered, almost to himself.
“I know,” I agreed. “But we’re rebels, remember?”
He touched his forehead to mine. I waited for him to pull away. He didn’t. The protective spell I’d felt earlier embraced me along with Jonas. I took a deep breath. Everything about him smelled good.
“Do you want me to kiss you again?” His lips curved into a wicked grin. “Even though it’s completely against the rules?”
“Totally.”
He chuckled again, and this time his breath tickled my lips.
A twig snapped farther along the path. We released each other. A beam from a flashlight shone through the trees.
“Get inside,” he said. “Pretend you’re asleep.”
I started to say goodnight, but he was already gone.
Labels: adventures, contests, writing
posted by Bonnie Staring at 9:35 AM
26 Comments:
Very clean prose. I enjoyed the scene and the tension there that they shouldn't be doing it. Forbidden love is always so sweet, isn't it? Very nice job, and mine is #7 if you want to go look. Good luck!
Love the line, "...and this time his breath tickled my lips." I agree with Virginia. Forbidden romance is the best. Good luck! #5
In agreement with the ladies above...something so sweet and even sexy about forbidden love. I like her choice of words in describing his lips 'awesomeness' and when she says she 'totally' wants him to kiss her again. So 16-year-old lingo. Nice job :)Good Luck!
My post is #42 if you want to take a look :)
I love rebels. This is a nice scene. I found the opening a little jarring but I think that comes with this kind of contest and not knowing too much about the back story.
I wanted a bit more tension right before the first kiss, and I think her saying "Oh, yeah" right before she leaned in took me out of the moment. I'd almost cut that line and just have her lean in or nod and lean in.
I loved that they when back a second time as well. And the final line was perfect! Nice ending hook.
Very cute scene! I liked the pacing, the 16yo dialog (awesomeness, totally, etc.) and the "return for more". Of course, the frustrating part of snips like this is that we don't get answers to lots of questions -- how did bruises "appear" on her? Who is the 'her' she thought had been lost too? I guess I'll have to watch for your book so I can find out.
Good luck.
--Barb (#38)
This is really adorable and I'm so having flashbacks of being at summer camp where it's every girl's dream to have a 'forbidden' moment exactly like this!
i love when he asks her if she want shim to kiss her again!
I love the premise to your book--a telekinetic summer camp. Cool! I also have a lot of questions about this snippet, the good kind of questions. There's a lot of nice intrigue.
--Kathryn #18
(I set my blog post to auto-publish this morning, and it failed. It's published now if you missed it. :-)
That was awesome! I loved it! The entire plot sounds awesome, actually. Kissing scenes are always fun! Good luck!
-Arianna #11
I really like the line, "Jonas broke away much too soon." That's awesome. This scene reads very clearly! Great job! I think the tension could be upped just a little, but it may already be there earlier in the scene. I remember there being painful amounts of anticipation during my teenaged first kisses. ;)
Good luck!
Jennie (#49)
Oww that is a very sweet, cute scene. Especially after the intimacy of talking about their parents :)
This is perfection: "Melody, a 16-year-old telekinetic boot-camp trainee..." I'm certain that you've spent a great deal of time developing this character, but there she is, all summed up in one concise half-sentence! I'm always amazed at the effectiveness of a few choice words. I really enjoyed this scene; interesting premise and crisp writing. Good job!
That's a great scene. And like others before me, I love that they're off-limits to each other. My only nit-pick is that he asks to kiss her again. I kinda wanted him to just go in and get it.:)
Rebecca #21
Ah to be young and have rules to break! Love the moment when he puts his hand behind her head and she thinks...like I'm going anywhere! A nice bit of "real" character to keep this grounded. Good job. :)
Melonie #29 (thanks for stopping by!)
Mwah!
Thank you all so much for your encouraging comments (I made that change, Jamie; thanks for that note)! Although the thought of putting up this scene terrified me, I'm so glad I did!
My fingers are crossed for everyone,
Bonnie
Bonnie- Thank you for your wonderful comment on mine. Here to return the favor!
I loved your entry! It has all the makings of a perfect scene- forbidden love, a swoon worthy kiss. I really liked when Jonas said, "feel like breaking another rule?" I have a not-so-secret thing for bad boys! haha Really well done. I loved this!
I like the last part of this line.
One of his hands held the back of my head, as if I’d even think of moving my lips away from his.
It really gets her feelings across. Good job!
This is a great scene! I love the forbidden romance part of it, and the snippets of the full ms (the bruises, etc) were intriguing to me. Well done!
Larissa (#47)
Great scene! I LOVE your characters.
I really enjoyed this and your set up as well. I like the whole forbidden fruit thing your got going--seems to be very popular if i read the comments right :)
My favorite line was:
My laugh drifted back down my throat as I looked up at him.
Just excellent! Good luck.
Margie #40
I enjoyed this scene, in particular this line: “Feel like breaking another rule?” he whispered. HOT!
However, I think you can delve a little deeper into both the set up (the switch from her joking and then them kissing is a bit jarring) and the kiss itself (tell us what it feels like beyond "awesome").
good work!
-Lauren #13
I really liked "But we're rebels, right?" Very nice. After "Feel like breaking another rule, I think one more sentence slowing things down might heighten the tension. All in all, a fun scene. Good luck!
Laura, Kiss #33, BSD #112
A Sugar Lips Award to you from a "Kissing Expert!" This is super, dupery sweet. As in ice cream sundae topped rivers of melted chocolate kinda sweet. I love forbidden romance and my heart is already breaking over Melody & Jonas.
Thank you so much, Heather! SQUEEEE!
AHHH! I love the whole "this is wrong" bit. Makes it even better! Nice Job!
This is a really cute scene! I love the mixture of sweetness and understanding between them with the realization that they are doing something totally against the rules.
I also really love the concept of the novel. I'd totally keep reading!
-Amber (#41)
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