I might have mentioned this before but I love getting mail.

It could be that most of my bills are received electronically and the majority of my clients pay by check, but it's mainly because I enter a ton of contests. And because of all those entries, I'm on oodles of product manufacturers' mailing lists -- and I receive coupons and samples all the time.

The best is when I get a coupon with a free sample. Talk about a win-win!

So the other day I was delighted to find a small package in my mailbox that contained samples of shampoo and conditioner plus a $1-off coupon! Squee! I filed the coupon away in my coupon organizer (Snicker all you want people, but can you claim to save 10% off your grocery bill each month?) and set the samples aside for a special occasion. Like a shower on a Thursday.

Fast-forward to this morning. I had a theme song picked out already -- It's Raining Men -- and proceeded to set the stage for a life-altering hair wash.

I raised the attached-together packages up to my face and realized that, since I stopped showering with my glasses on in 1987, I couldn't tell which was the shampoo and which was the conditioner. The type was so small that squinting just made it worse.

So I took a gamble and assumed the the left-hand package held the shampoo and proceeded to pull at the little tear-off thingie at the top of the package. But it wasn't there.

Running out of hot water and blind as a bat, I felt along all the edges for that tell-tale little cut into the side that would easily open with a gentle tug. No such luck. So I did what any woman desperate to get at free shampoo would do: tore at it with my teeth.

My gums will heal eventually.

Even though my efforts to open the package were enough to draw my own blood, I was only able to open a wee tear for the shampoo to come out from. Aiming it at the top of my head, I squeezed all the shampoo toward the tear, hoping that a jet stream of product, not unlike something seen in an adult video, would land on my hair.

It got me in the good eye.

Eyes stinging, gums bleeding and sputtering words normally reserved for screaming at the computer when my Internet provider goes down, I managed to get some shampoo onto my head and lather up.

So far, all this had cost me was time, so I was still feeling that I was ahead of the game.

Then my foot found the fallen pack of conditioner and I hit the tub floor before I could do a thing about it.

I'm okay, but my hair has the dry flyaways. ;)