There's a nap for that

Sunday, May 30, 2010

I don't need to have an iPhone or iPad to have a good time.

Instead of being attached to a phone playing games, figuring out who performs that song on the radio or using something productive like a GPS or weather-forecasting app, I do things differently.

There's a nap for that.

Shazam Nap
This usually happens once I finally figure out the name and artist of a song I couldn't get out of my head and then play it on YouTube about forty times. Sometimes dancing is involved.

Transit Nap
When I get a seat on the subway, I close my eyes and magically wake up one stop before my station.

GeoCatch Nap
While taking the kitten of mass destruction outside for walkies, we both find a cool place in the shade and catch some z's.

Reality Nap
Sometimes the auditions on So You Think You Can Dance or the horrors of Hoarders and The Real Housewives of Anywhere just aren't worthy of my consciousness.

Pocket Cocktails Nap
This should go without saying, but after imbibing on a few cocktails, whether or not they came from my pocket, I usually need to catch a few winks.

Lightsaber Nap
After playing Star Wars with the kitten of mass destruction, which usually involves the two of us fighting over a cardboard tube and then me talking into it and telling him I'm his father, both of us need a nap. And an oxygen tank.

Sure, the App Store may have 200,000 apps, but I've had 200,000 naps. Beat that, Steve Jobs!

Don't call me; it's time for my Post-Blog Post Nap.

Labels: , ,

posted by Bonnie Staring at 9:31 PM 5 comments


Thursday, May 27, 2010

WMBS. It's an acronym my friend JJLB came up with the other day. It stands for Well Meaning But Stupid people.

We all have them in our lives, and sometimes (gasp!) we are them. Not sure if your actions cross over from well meaning to WMBS? Take this wee test:

1. Your friend is on a diet and having a bad day. You:
A) Send her videos of cute kittens, knowing that she likes them.
B) Send over your friend Raphael, your next-door neighbour who just happens to be a massage artist.
C) Bring over four-dozen chocolate cupcakes.

2. You've been bad about responding to a friend's emails and she asks which method is the best way to contact you. You:
A) Tell her to call you instead -- that way she can talk to your kitten, too!
B) Pick up the phone and call her, and apologize for being such a sloth when it comes to emailing.
C) Insist that email is the best way.

3. A friend asks you for help. You:
A) Ask what she needs, and ask if the kitten can help, too.
B) Tell her you'll do anything for her. And so will Raphael.
C) Offer to do something that's already been done.

4. You see a person approaching a door who has her hands full. You:
A) Hold back your kitten so he doesn't accidently chew the woman's legs off.
B) Hold open the door and offer to puch the elevator button for her.
C) Ask her if she'd like to purchase a box of Girl Scout cookies.

5. You see a homeless person on the street. You:
A) Give him some spare change and tell him about your pet kitten.
B) Buy him a sandwich or a coffee.
C) Ask if he has change for a twenty.

Okay, now tally up your scores.

Mostly As
You are a crazy cat person. Stop forwarding all the cute kitten videos to people who don't have cats -- they don't deserve it or understand it. Save it for your other cat-crazy friends. And don't volunteer your kitten to assist with anything. Your purrfect loved one is way too bizay to help a human.

Mostly Bs
You are a well-meaning person who goes that extra mile or volunteers other well-meaning people who happen to be masseurs to assist when things get bent out of shape.

Mostly Cs
I'm afraid you may be suffering from a case of WMBS. And that's okay. It happens to the best of us. You've got good intentions, but they get lost in the delivery. Now that you're aware of the problem, you can take the three cupcakes left over to the homeless guy. And throw in a box of Girl Scout cookies. ;)

And, for some strange reason, I've been listening to Weird Al's "I Bought It On eBay" while I wrote this. Here's the link:

Labels: , , ,

posted by Bonnie Staring at 11:24 PM 0 comments

There are no more words

Thursday, May 20, 2010

The subway broke for some reason today. Only for a little while though, and long enough for the fuzzy unintelligible updates to stain my Madonna listening experience.

"Gonna dress you up in--"
"Attention all subway passengers, we are munamuna blah blah St. George Station waffle waffle munamuna. Shuttle bus whawhawha platform blah blah."
"From your head down to your--"
"The delay we hodgepodge oogle blah blah munamuna shortly. Thank you."

Yeah, I lost my groove by the fourth subway stop. Le sigh. At least the problem resolved itself while Madonna went through five more tracks. Shoo-be-do-be-do...

Then a woman yelled at me because I stopped at the curb. She actually tried to push me forward, but then held off when the car I'd seen approaching sped around the corner.

Her words: "Oh."
My words: "Next time someone isn't moving fast enough for you, go around them instead of pushing them into traffic."

And I hadn't even gotten to the office yet. Someone had colored my day in with a thick black crayon. They didn't even try and cover up the bits that went outside the lines and dipped into all my happy spots.

An innocent colleague sent me .docx files all day. I'm on a Mac for this particular gig. Le sigh.

Feedback on an article made it look like my words were bleeding. Gotta love track changes. ;)

But then, I thought about how I lucky I am to have a happy home, a happy husband and a kitten of mass destruction who has been known to be happy on some occasions.

Leaving the stress of the subway, the near-accident, and the evils of my workload behind me, I raced up the front porch to burst through the front door and greet my happy family...

And stepped in cat poop.

Apparently this was not a good day for kittens either.

Labels: , ,

posted by Bonnie Staring at 11:25 PM 7 comments

Wants, needs, plants, weeds

Sunday, May 16, 2010

I love it when I can make a connection while killing things.

DH and I finally caved and plucked out all the pesky dandelions, raked up the five gazillion maple keys, and ran the mower over what remained of the grass. The kitten was quite impressed, as his favourite cement patch was still where he left it despite all the noise and fuss the humans made.

And all that yanking and pulling got me thinking.

First, that I was out of shape again. But we know that already, so I'll move on.

Then there are those who actually cultivate dandelions to make wine or eat the leaves in fancy chichi salads. They even brag about how organic they are, using natural ingredients from within that oh-so-righteous 100-mile radius.

I could get all the dandelions I want in a ten-yard radius. Huh.

And that made me feel like maybe I shouldn't have been so hasty with my destruction of the dandelions. Maybe I should have rented out my yards for organic dandelion farming. Zaphod the kitten could be the Chief Inspector.

Actually, he already has that title. You should see his business cards.

Then I thought about the things I do that act like weeds on my productivity: watching retro '80s videos on YouTube, cute kitten pics and vids, reality TV, chocolate, pondering my existence, writing things I've already done onto my to-do list so I can cross them off, etc., etc.

All these thoughts about weeding these things from my garden of to-dos takes all the fun out of everything. It turns me into Little Miss Crankipants. Or Little Miss Big Crankipants since I haven't been working out. ;)

But maybe, just maybe, everyone needs some weeds in amongst the plants. You know, just to keep things interesting and give us something to do when we don't feel like being perfect.

Is this starting to sound like an ad for medicinal marijuana? LOL Yep, there goes Bonnie, promoting de herb again...

All I know is I need to feed my mental garden with the good, the bad and the ugly or else I get bored.

How about you? Do you need "weeds"?

Labels: , ,

posted by Bonnie Staring at 9:14 PM 2 comments

D-lightful month so far

Monday, May 10, 2010

May swept in without the need for a raincoat, and now we have the heat back on. What's up with that?

And yes, I've been sweeping around like an extra in Mary Poppins with too chimneys to clean and one too many spoonfuls of sugar. Oh, I'd better start now before I break into song and start reminiscing about my favourite things. ;)

Some amazing things that have happened this weekend:

I moved my To Be Read pile onto my bookshelf so it no longer sits in five tall stacks on a dresser at the top of the stairs, threatening to topple onto the kitten of mass destruction when there's a sunbeam nearby.

I found three novels I could have sworn I'd lent to deadbeat friends who never returned them. (They're back on the Christmas Card list again... well, I've now friended them on Facebook.)

Actually functioned as one today for a lovely Mother's Day lunch instead of its usual place for the kitten and the boxes of stuff to hang out. Zaphod allowed everyone to live, and I prepared a three-course meal without causing DH bodily harm. Go me!

While enjoying a lovely post-workshop dinner with Harlequin Blaze's Senior Editor Brenda Chin and her editorial assistant Laura Barth, I did not make a complete fool of myself -- although I had performed a Madonna song parody before the workshop started. Yeah, that's me, the shy, reserved one with the sparkly lampshade on her head. ;)

And that's about it. May your month be full of great d's like these!

Labels: , , ,

posted by Bonnie Staring at 12:38 AM 6 comments