The Worst Writing Advice Ever
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Okay, there are enough blogs and websites out there to offer you truly motivational words and steps to success so that writers will actually achieve something, but sometimes what you need to hear is the exact opposite.
I'm not talking about the Penguins of Panic who want to make sure that you never write another word again. Here's to hoping that global warming will keep those negative voices at bay. ;)
What I'm referring to is truly horrible advice that someone thought was a really good idea at the time. It's the stuff that normally comes forth when you're meeting people for the first time and you've followed Tip #1 in The Worst Writing Advice Ever!:
TIP #1: Tell people you want to be a writer. Claiming that you are a writer without a book deal or receiving an income of at least $100,000 will curse you and ensure that you never sell anything.
Telling people that you "want to be" a writer is your invitation to bring forth all of the butt-ugly-stupid notions people have ever had about a craft of which they possess no real knowledge. Sure, they might have a friend-of-a-friend or may have even purchased a book at one time or another, but what do they know?
It's best to get their advice at parties and networking functions. That way there are snacks and bevvies for all.
Do not begrudge your adviser. These purveyors of erroneous tips might have been drinking, suffering from nicotine withdrawal or dealing with some severe hygiene issues, but they felt the need to pass on their own words of wisdom.
Here are just a few of the ones that you'll learn about in the book:
TIP #8: You need good boots if you attend a writing boot camp.
TIP #51: If you have a really good idea, you're lying to yourself because everything's already been done. Best to stick to the lame ones. They're easier.
TIP #14: Having a last name that starts with A, B or C will help you sell more books, because people get tired by the time they get to those D-names.
And the ever-popular:
TIP #79: You should write Harry Potter or something like that.
Don't let another day pass without having your very own copy of The Worst Writing Advice Ever! Over 79 tips! Most even in English! It can be yours today for just $49.99.
Operators are standing by...
I'm not talking about the Penguins of Panic who want to make sure that you never write another word again. Here's to hoping that global warming will keep those negative voices at bay. ;)
What I'm referring to is truly horrible advice that someone thought was a really good idea at the time. It's the stuff that normally comes forth when you're meeting people for the first time and you've followed Tip #1 in The Worst Writing Advice Ever!:
TIP #1: Tell people you want to be a writer. Claiming that you are a writer without a book deal or receiving an income of at least $100,000 will curse you and ensure that you never sell anything.
Telling people that you "want to be" a writer is your invitation to bring forth all of the butt-ugly-stupid notions people have ever had about a craft of which they possess no real knowledge. Sure, they might have a friend-of-a-friend or may have even purchased a book at one time or another, but what do they know?
It's best to get their advice at parties and networking functions. That way there are snacks and bevvies for all.
Do not begrudge your adviser. These purveyors of erroneous tips might have been drinking, suffering from nicotine withdrawal or dealing with some severe hygiene issues, but they felt the need to pass on their own words of wisdom.
Here are just a few of the ones that you'll learn about in the book:
TIP #8: You need good boots if you attend a writing boot camp.
TIP #51: If you have a really good idea, you're lying to yourself because everything's already been done. Best to stick to the lame ones. They're easier.
TIP #14: Having a last name that starts with A, B or C will help you sell more books, because people get tired by the time they get to those D-names.
And the ever-popular:
TIP #79: You should write Harry Potter or something like that.
Don't let another day pass without having your very own copy of The Worst Writing Advice Ever! Over 79 tips! Most even in English! It can be yours today for just $49.99.
Operators are standing by...
posted by Bonnie Staring at 3:57 PM
5 Comments:
And there's also TIP #53: Don't worry about making sure your spelling and grammar are right. That's what the editor is for.
That's my favourite tip. :)
Tip #30: Submitting your work to publishers is for sissies. If your work is good enough, publishers will come to you.
Welcome grammar geek and cavan! Glad to see you both have copies of the book already. ;)
Tip #372 If you're good enough, you don't ever have to actually sit down and, you know, write words or anything. It just mystically happens.
Don't go giving away all the secrets from the bonus pull-out section Katy...
Post a Comment
<< Home