It's only 11:00 and I'm starving. No meals have been skipped and I even added a mid-morning snack to my routine so that I wouldn't chew off my own arm (that would make it hard for me to type). So what gives?

I think my body is trying to sabotage my need for some new summer wardrobe items.

It longs to be in those schlumpy yoga pants and big baggy t-shirts from tropical destinations until Labour Day. Heck, make that Christmas. Now I'd be a total liar if I didn't admit that I adore the schlump, but it doesn't travel to client offices (or out in public at all) that well.

The desire to let it all hang out can result in some heinous photo opportunities that reveal to the world that I can spill paint, gravy, ketchup or just about anything that stains on my favourite schlump duds. And wearing dark colours just makes the dust bunnies and white cheddar more noticeable.

So what's a girl to do? Create schlump days.

By arranging one's schedule, it is possible to set aside one day a week where public appearances aren't necessary. If your immediate family sees you, that's okay. They'll still love you even though you've wearing hot pink and orange at the same time.

On schlump days, it's imperative that you stay inside. Unless you live on a ten-acre ranch just south of Nowhere, keep the blinds drawn and the doors locked. Walking to the corner store counts as going out. No matter what you've heard, running errands does not make you invisible; learn from celebrities' mistakes -- you see them in People all the time.

And don't even think about answering the door. The Jehovah's Witnesses could be back now that the neighbour's cat has been locked in the house. Using a webcam for conversations is not recommended either.

A schlump day is our way to wallow in bad yet comfortable taste. Why not make the most of it and watch some horrible B-movies or read one of those novels you tell your friends you refuse to even talk about? Yeah, you know the ones I'm talking about.

Now I just have to find my rainbow toe socks and my outfit is complete.