I couldn't shred it, it's too powerful
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Kreskin Power Letter 1
(Uh-oh, he has to number them? How many are there?)
"I Will Tell You Why I Have Been Drawn To You, Bonnie Staring.
This is an amazing letter.
All about you. Relating to powerful connections for Money and Life Breakthroughs."
I mean, wouldn't you want to read on? It's in quotes and everything, so it must be true. Look, my name's been bolded, that must be a sign. And the use of putting capitals on all the words in the first line? Legendary.
And we haven't even gotten to the introduction yet:
Dear Bonnie Staring,
(I love it when they use my whole name like that. I want to get myself on his mailing list as Mister Butthead. That would be cool. Oops, I digress.)
My name's Kreskin.
Yes, I'm that Kreskin, the one the press refers to as "The Amazing Kreskin."
(Shoot, and I thought it was from Lenny Kreskin, the guy voted "Most Likely to Get a Wedgie" in my grade 8 class.)
I am known for having a special extra sense. (Oh. That's what you call it.) Not just by the public at large but by world respected ESP scientists. Keep reading.
(With the support of ESP scientists, he doesn't have to ask twice, let me tell ya.)
You've probably seen me on TV and no doubt read about me in newspapers, magazines or books.
(Sorry, I've been busy. But you should know that.)
People come to me. They are drawn to me. Almost in spite of themselves. (Sounds like an ad for Axe.)
They say they have to see me "use" my power; they have to see me "perform."
(Awkward!)
Why? Because they can't believe the things they've heard about me and must see for themselves if they're true.
(Wait for it...)
The simple answer is... "YES, EVERYTHING IS TRUE. EVERYTHING IS PROVEN." That's what people learn about me. I seem to hold them spellbound. And, I grant you this: If I can make a special contact with a person... that person's never quite the same again.
(I do not find this comforting. Pass the Lysol.)
But Bonnie Staring, follow me:
It is you who, in a sense, has me spellbound.
(Yeah, riiight.)
The tables are turned: I've been drawn to you.
(He totally means it. It's been typeset a second time in a scripty font for effect.)
I find myself desiring to see your power...
Stay turned for Part 2 tomorrow. G'night.
(Uh-oh, he has to number them? How many are there?)
"I Will Tell You Why I Have Been Drawn To You, Bonnie Staring.
This is an amazing letter.
All about you. Relating to powerful connections for Money and Life Breakthroughs."
I mean, wouldn't you want to read on? It's in quotes and everything, so it must be true. Look, my name's been bolded, that must be a sign. And the use of putting capitals on all the words in the first line? Legendary.
And we haven't even gotten to the introduction yet:
Dear Bonnie Staring,
(I love it when they use my whole name like that. I want to get myself on his mailing list as Mister Butthead. That would be cool. Oops, I digress.)
My name's Kreskin.
Yes, I'm that Kreskin, the one the press refers to as "The Amazing Kreskin."
(Shoot, and I thought it was from Lenny Kreskin, the guy voted "Most Likely to Get a Wedgie" in my grade 8 class.)
I am known for having a special extra sense. (Oh. That's what you call it.) Not just by the public at large but by world respected ESP scientists. Keep reading.
(With the support of ESP scientists, he doesn't have to ask twice, let me tell ya.)
You've probably seen me on TV and no doubt read about me in newspapers, magazines or books.
(Sorry, I've been busy. But you should know that.)
People come to me. They are drawn to me. Almost in spite of themselves. (Sounds like an ad for Axe.)
They say they have to see me "use" my power; they have to see me "perform."
(Awkward!)
Why? Because they can't believe the things they've heard about me and must see for themselves if they're true.
(Wait for it...)
The simple answer is... "YES, EVERYTHING IS TRUE. EVERYTHING IS PROVEN." That's what people learn about me. I seem to hold them spellbound. And, I grant you this: If I can make a special contact with a person... that person's never quite the same again.
(I do not find this comforting. Pass the Lysol.)
But Bonnie Staring, follow me:
It is you who, in a sense, has me spellbound.
(Yeah, riiight.)
The tables are turned: I've been drawn to you.
(He totally means it. It's been typeset a second time in a scripty font for effect.)
I find myself desiring to see your power...
Stay turned for Part 2 tomorrow. G'night.
posted by Bonnie Staring at 11:07 PM
5 Comments:
It's like a creepy halloween episode of Hollyoaks. I'm hooked.
I think I have to get this letter laminated Katy... just wait until we get to the good stuff on the other side!
Laminated? It needs to be mounted, framed and put on display. Probably in the bathroom.
Not the bathroom - there's a picture of him in the letter. Creepy.
Some dark, under stairs cupboard you never go in? Preferably one full of cobwebs? It'll be perfect for Hallo'een - just tell the trick or treaters that's where you've put the candy!
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