The tale of the endless edits
Monday, October 23, 2006
In keeping with the scary stuff going on in my life, I thought I'd take a little Halloween liberty over the next week or so to make things seem even more terrifying. Or not.
The Tale of the Endless Edits
It started as a rather calm day at the office when Bonnie noticed the shadow crossing her desk. She looked up and saw that the stack of papers in her inbox tray had multiplied as she checked her personal email account.
All were marked high priority.
Insert blood-curdling scream here.
So Bonnie did the only thing an editor/proofreader could do: sharpen her red pencil.
She quickly moved through the pile, dotting an "i" here, crossing a "t" there, changing imperial measurements to metric just because that's the Canadian thing to do - and more.
Soon enough, the inbox was empty. Bonnie took the opportunity to go to McDonalds and obtain some more Monopoly game pieces...
And ended up with three more Pennsylvania railroads.
Insert howling wolf with extra echo effect here.
As she neared her desk, she couldn't help but notice that the pile had returned.
Since she was feeling particularly lazy, she decided to hide the pile near the photocopier so that she could work on a magazine article instead.
Then she got called into a meeting.
There sat her manager and the abandoned pile of work.
"Is there a problem?" the manager asked.
"Oh, uh. No." Bonnie eyed the pile and wondered if it were possessed. A single page crinkled near the top.
Great.
"Just because you've seen these documents 400 times over the past two months doesn't mean they don't need your full attention for this round," the manager continued, droning on and on like the teacher in Charlie Brown episodes. No, scratch that, she spoke just like Freddie Kruger before he slashed open all those teenagers' throats.
Spooky.
Thankfully Bonnie had watched Lost last week, and placed a lighter and can of hairspray in her back pocket. With a mighty "hee-yah!", she lit up a stream of Vidal Sassoon Extra Volume Hold hairspray and set the pile ablaze.
Choking and wiping the soot off of her face, Bonnie raced back to her desk - only to face the pile of editorial doom again.
Insert another blood-curdling scream here.
So she did them, knowing they would come back to haunt her again and again and again.
The End
The Tale of the Endless Edits
It started as a rather calm day at the office when Bonnie noticed the shadow crossing her desk. She looked up and saw that the stack of papers in her inbox tray had multiplied as she checked her personal email account.
All were marked high priority.
Insert blood-curdling scream here.
So Bonnie did the only thing an editor/proofreader could do: sharpen her red pencil.
She quickly moved through the pile, dotting an "i" here, crossing a "t" there, changing imperial measurements to metric just because that's the Canadian thing to do - and more.
Soon enough, the inbox was empty. Bonnie took the opportunity to go to McDonalds and obtain some more Monopoly game pieces...
And ended up with three more Pennsylvania railroads.
Insert howling wolf with extra echo effect here.
As she neared her desk, she couldn't help but notice that the pile had returned.
Since she was feeling particularly lazy, she decided to hide the pile near the photocopier so that she could work on a magazine article instead.
Then she got called into a meeting.
There sat her manager and the abandoned pile of work.
"Is there a problem?" the manager asked.
"Oh, uh. No." Bonnie eyed the pile and wondered if it were possessed. A single page crinkled near the top.
Great.
"Just because you've seen these documents 400 times over the past two months doesn't mean they don't need your full attention for this round," the manager continued, droning on and on like the teacher in Charlie Brown episodes. No, scratch that, she spoke just like Freddie Kruger before he slashed open all those teenagers' throats.
Spooky.
Thankfully Bonnie had watched Lost last week, and placed a lighter and can of hairspray in her back pocket. With a mighty "hee-yah!", she lit up a stream of Vidal Sassoon Extra Volume Hold hairspray and set the pile ablaze.
Choking and wiping the soot off of her face, Bonnie raced back to her desk - only to face the pile of editorial doom again.
Insert another blood-curdling scream here.
So she did them, knowing they would come back to haunt her again and again and again.
The End
posted by Bonnie Staring at 4:01 PM
2 Comments:
Okay, that's scary.
And I too now have a new coat! (A fiance approved one at that).
No other notable stress S William? Don't you watch Lost? ;)
Way to go Katy, now you can relax. Oh, well, maybe after the wedding.
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