Dear David,

Hi, it's Bonnie again. Look, I know that I've told you before that marrying Posh was okay, but I was lying. Yeah, and I lied about you having the kids as well.

Thanks for the magazine photo spreads and advertisements for your new cologne, but they can't fill the empty space in my heart you have caused. And the fragrance isn't all that sexy anyway.

But I was going to give you one last chance: World Cup.

And right when England and I needed you the most, you let us down. Hurt ankle. Hah! You wouldn't see Portugal's dynamic and surprisingly heroic Ronaldo doing that, would you? Did you see the look on his face when he scored that penalty shot? That was a beautiful moment.

And it could have been our moment, if you could have just focused on the game and not looking so hot all the time. Oh, and keeping your balance too. That would have helped, big time.

So yes, my dear David, it's over. Finis.

Actually, I was rooting for the Netherlands, but they were eliminated too quickly.